Hey Will.i.am, Obama is already President. Pepsi didn’t give you a commercial for this change-the-world nonsense. I hate to break it to you, but Obama can’t be President again while currently President. The Constitution made sure of that because of crazies like you. You can now go back to making hologram appearances on CNN. You too, Jesse Dylan.

Bob Dylan & Will.I.Am - “Pepsi: Refresh Anthem” [GooTube]

So, let’s get this out the way right now: Detox is NOT No.1 on 2009’s most anticipated rap albums list, because we’ve been waiting for 2 million years to no avail. Thanks to the Legion of Procrastinators at Shady/Aftermath, Detox has graciously evolved into a cultural myth. Folklore. Legend. The greatest story never told. Banished from mortals, never to be heard except by supernatural beings powerful enough to morph into a fly. (Man, what I’d give to be a fly on Dre’s wall.) That’s the bad news. Now here’s the good news: 3 of the remaining 19 albums on this list are probably real. Read the rest of this entry »

50 Cent - Officer Ricky (Try Me) (Rick Ross Diss)

It’s raining beef today. So, here’s another lame diss to further ruin your evening. Hip-hop is in a dry spell and more diss songs is just what it needs to regain some credibility. Fortunately, 50 Cent has been remarkably generous in filling this void. In fact if you think of diss songs as oil, then 50 is the Saudi Arabia of hip-hop. [Props: OnSmash]

PS: Rick Ross - “Mafia Music” (50 Cent Diss)

Yesterday was the first time I ever bothered to join a phone conference. It turned out to be the greatest phone conference EVER. Oh, and I’m slightly drunk, so don’t quote me on that. Jadakiss arrived late, exchanged pleasantries with some cronies who kept calling in with exciting questions like “Hey Kiss, how can I get you to my barbershop for a buzz cut?” for 30 minutes, smoked a blunt, and then said some really interesting things. And not in that order.

This was the best quote of the entire conference:

Question: Is the recession affecting your album in anyway?
Jadakiss: “The recession is actually why I’m dropping the album, because of the recession of the music. It’s like a CD-Gatorade to help you get your nutrients back. I’m happy that there’s a recession. Get it back buzzing. Crazy.”

More memorable quotables from Jadakiss phone conference after the gap. Read the rest of this entry »

Rhymefest - SuperSonic (Chucky Cheese) (Charles Hamilton Diss)

Do you recall back in 2008 when Rhymefest was blabbing to anyone who would listen about how he’s so enamored with Michael Jackson? Now that he’s done professing his love Michael, ‘Fest has found a new hobby to keep him preoccupied while the suits at J Records decide on how many Lil Wayne verses it will take to greenlight El Che. So please sit back, relax, and enjoy this media-created beef between Rhymefest and Charles Hamilton.

Hey look! Someone slipped me this video of Biggie Smalls, who is obviously still alive and hiding in some secret Afghan cave fortress, bragging about his pinky ring. No one knew how to rock a mean pinky ring better than Biggie. Proceed for a clip of an exuberant B.I.G. talking smack on YouTube. Read the rest of this entry »

Q-Tip - “Renaissance Rap” Remix (Ft. Busta Rhymes, Raekwon, & Lil Wayne)

What do Q-Tip and Busta Rhymes have in common? For starters, they both hold the same “person” responsible for hip-hop’s demise. Whatever that means. More importantly, they’re senior citizen rappers who have managed to stay relevant without resorting to brainless gimmicks. So, drink to this, Internets, and keep senior citizen rappers from going extinct.

PS: Some might think that the presence of Lil Wayne on a song alongside three rap elder statesmen symbolizes a passing of the torch from one generation to another. You’re dead wrong. Master Wayne agreed to appear on the “Renaissance Rap” remix so as to acknowledge a few of the lyricists he has influenced over the years. Carry on.

PPS: How weird is it that Megaupload generated the following verification code while I was downloading this song: “A-S-S”?

[Raise one to Legend]

Hey look! Lupe Fiasco has just won the first ever Character Approved Award “to honor individuals from a cross-section of creative disciplines who are positively influencing American culture.” That’s right, the first ever because now that Obama is President and the roads are magically made of gold, miss me with that that bitches and hoes music you call hip-hop. From here on out, it’s all about Japanese cartoons and giant robots. Monocle is the new XXL. C-Span is the new BET. Oh look, they even have a website where they pledge all kinds of corny shit in a bid to combat intolerance and promote mutual respect, because they obviously weren’t promoting mutual respect when Obama wasn’t President. GET A LIFE, you fucking HYPOCRITES!!!.

[The LupEND Blog]