In my mind, it all started with Kevin Earl Federline. The once husband of the former Sinead O’Connor lookalike once had a notion he wanted to rap – so he added emcee to his resume: dancer, model, actor, wrestler…rapper. Dazzling the American public with hits such as Ya’ll Ain’t Ready and PopoZao the Fresno-born jack-of-all-trades charmed and warmed the hearts of rap fans all across our beautiful land.

But the entrepreneurial spirit that hip-hop exudes couldn’t simply stay with only Britney’s baby’s daddy, it had to spread to others. David Letterman saw rap’s raw energy in the form of Joaquin Phoenix (and his beard) on The Late Show. Rap had stolen Johnny Cash’s doppleganger from the silver screen and made him walk the line all the way into a recording studio and into a fairly apparent drug addiction?.

Now rap is trying to steal The Hills superstar Spencer Pratt from the clutches of television. The mischevious musical trickster has given Pratt the idea of promoting his “music” not through album sales, but through ringtones  – just like hip-hop giants iSouljaboytellem.com and Flo-Rida.

On Monday Pratt debuted his first rap song, titled I’m A Celebrity, via Ryan Seacrest’s radio program. Ladies and gentlemen, a few lines:

“Baby, I get paid / I don’t volunteer / I’m a celebrity / Get me outta here.”

“Baby I watch TV / And run the Internet / Been around the world / And still I’m not finished yet.”

“Call me senator rap, I’m only twitting the facts / get @spencerpratt and I’ll be twitting you back.”

God bless America.