Put Down The Mic: 15 Artists Who Need To Retire
Dr. Dre put it perfectly on “The Watcher” when he said, “Things just ain’t the same for gangstas/times is changing, young ni**as is aging/becoming old G’s in the game and changing/to make way for these new names and faces…” As the music industry evolves, and the old guard gets replaced by the new, we sometimes find that the quality of music takes a nosedive. Sometimes the old guard needs to go out to make room for the new. In the spirit of talent-over-ignorance, we’ve compiled a short list of artists who need to switch careers. Below are 15 artists who need to stop polluting our ears and put the mic down.
Before Yung Berg, the only time I’ve heard of someone giving someone else “the business” was from a Sportscenter clip where some linebacker gets straight-armed by a running back and the announcer screams out “wow he really gave him the business on that play!” Give it up before you start you start coining phrases for sex and making songs to justify them. Wait a second.
Tony Yayo
Too easy. Next.
Plies
Florida’s self-proclaimed goon hit Billboard hard with “Shawty” (ft. T-Pain) and “Hypnotized” (ft. Akon) off of his debut album The Real Testament in 2007. Since then Plies has somehow continued to churn out club bangers like “Bust It Baby Pt. 2″ (Ft. Ne-Yo), “Please Excuse My Hands” (Ft. Jamie Foxx/The-Dream) and “Put It On Ya” (Ft. Chris J.) while rapping in an unidentifiable dialect that most linguistics researchers still cannot decipher. Plies, please rap like you speak in your interviews so we can understand you. Thanks.
Yung Joc
“It’s Goin’ Down” was one thing and cocaine and German shepherds is definitely another. Point being Joc has a sad history of continually lowering the bar for himself. Out of his two commercial releases, New Joc City and Hustlenomic$, each single he’s released has consistently ranked lower on Billboard charts. Save yourself the trouble of eventual embarassment, Joc. Put down the pen and make sure to only invite friends over who own fish.
Teyana Taylor
If I have to “Google You” to find out that your vocal ability makes Ciara sound like Etta James, you have no business being in the music business.
Alright, he got to play off of the coattails of his sister – and to be fair with over 1 million records sold over a five album career Ray J has carved a fairly decent R&B market share out for himself but the simple fact is overall he’s penned nothing but uninspired and clumsy lyrics for quite some time and is better known for his romantic conquests than his music. Aside from that one track he did with Yung Berg. And that one isn’t helping.
Lady Gaga
Aside from the crazy lady astronaut who drove the 900 miles from Houston to Orlando in adult diapers to kill her romantic rival, Lady Gaga takes the cake for acting and dressing crazier than Courtney Love in her heyday. Yes, I’ve seen the acoustic sets she’s got up on YouTube and admittedly the girl has a bit of a voice but her music is fueled by Appletinis and lip gloss and made for girls who want an anthem to make mistakes to. Thank Lady Gaga for the anthem; here’s my number…thank me for being the mistake.
It hurts me to put Beyonce on here because she’s really talented but she’s gone the same way as Ludacris. Soft. I can’t say two bad words about her (or his) hustle – they’re both respected artists with substantial catalogs and well rounded careers with fans aplenty but there is no more thought or soul put into the songs she’s singing anymore. She’s selling records because people have been buying them for so long that it’s automatic for them to pick up the new one. Put down the mic, Bey Bey. It’s time to be Mrs. Jay-Z.
When I heard Tramar Dillard’s latest release was titled R.O.O.T.S., I laughed. I mean, the man is a ringtone legend and though I was impressed by his attempt at recalling images of Kunta Kinte for depth’s sake, this is an artist who launched his career with a song based around the ever popular down-and-dirty bump-and-grind. Now that he’s stopped pole-jocking Lil Jon (see: “Low”) he’s moved on to sampling Eiffel 65. As if that was better.
Hurricane Chris
Hurricane falls into the same category as Lil’ Bow Wow did back in the day. You’re rapping about Escalades and shutting clubs down. Fair enough – aside from the fact that when you were doing it you didn’t have a driver’s license and weren’t old enough to sign your own name on a legal document. The only single that found itself even being touched by the RIAA was “Ay Bay Bay” in 2007. Granted, Hurricane did some serious work with that track but how does an artist who goes double platinum with their first single not follow that up with something that gets picked up on by mainstream media? That’s two whole years of putting out music so bad it flew under the radar. You need serious mentoring, go talk to Flo Rida.
I don’t even consider Gucci Mane an artist. His flow is sloppy, his beats are mundane and he’s creeping up on Cassidy’s record of seeing how many times he can go to prison in his career. He should have stopped rapping before he began, mane.
Shop Boyz
This is another group that is a total anomaly. They released Rockstar Mentality in 2007, which was kept afloat by “Party Like a Rockstar” which absolutely slayed U.S. Rap, R&B, Pop and overall charts earning nothing less than a three-spot. Since then the group has literally released nothing in 2008 or 2009 that’s charted in any category at all. Read that sentence again. I think it’s time for a conference call between these guys, Hurricane Chris and Flo Rida.
Daddy Yankee
There is nothing negative I can say about Daddy Yankee from a business perspective. The man is a hit machine, having two albums that combined have gone platinum nine times over. Rewind – NINE times over; not a typo. But every time I listen to another of his songs I feel like I’m listening to the Reggaeton version of Dashboard Confessional – everything sounds exactly the same. Make the monotony stop: either mix it up a little bit or take the enormous sums of money you’ve made over your 17 year career and go buy the Bacardi factory.
Souljaboy
At no point in his “career” has DeAndre Ramone Way, better known as Soulja Boy, made anything remotely close to what the norm should consider music. Countless singles have bolstered his status close to God-like to tweens and adults alike – anyone who is still downloading MIDI ringtones for their Nokias – but the fact of the matter is he’s a White-Out-fueled spectacle made for the masses who have a less than adequate sense of musical talent. Sorry Kanye, I’m with Ice-T on this one.
OJ Da Juiceman
Aside from his obvious fascination with one of the best football players to come out of USC, OJ Da Juiceman’s music is like the pulp that no one wants with their breakfast. His focus on the trap leaves nothing to the imagination as far as content goes, his wordplay is sub-par and his persona only further traps him in the endless sea of rappers trying to claim their part of the rap game by asserting their hood credentials. My advice? Don’t ever buy a white Bronco.
