Slam girls = Motivation for Ron Artest to remain in Houston

Confusion rages on over Ron Artest’s future in Houston. Ron Ron has said that his priority is to win a championship. With Yao possibly out next season (and God knows, probably forever), that dream no longer seems likely in Houston…for now.

Artest is a great player on both ends, so it’s no wonder that his agent’s phone has been ringing off the hook. The Lakers and the Cavaliers have been coming up in discussion a lot. Frankly, neither seems like a possibility, but weirder things have happened in the NBA.

Interestingly, many of the rumors surrounding Artest seem to have originated from Twitter. Walk with me as I try to make sense of the speculations.

Rumor #1: Ron Artest signed with Sacramento Kings.
This makes absolutely no sense, considering that Ron and his agent have repeatedly said that they will only sign with a contender. Unless Sacramento secretly pulled a trade heist involving Kobe Bryant, Chris Bosh, and Jason Kidd, they’ll probably be back in the lottery next season.

Rumor #2: Ron Artest signed with the Cavs or Lakers:
If this were a video game, it would make for a good scenario. Fantasy, if you will. But in the real world, there are weird things like player chemistry, personal drama, ego, aspirations, eccentricities, team philosophy, economic recession. All those things affect a team’s decision to sign a free agent. For starters, Ron and Bron play the same position. Can you imagine either of them coming off the bench? Possible, but not likely.

Ron and Kobe sounds less likely. They’re the defending champions. Why break up a successful team that already boasts two good players at that position in favor of an unpredictable situation?

Rumor #3: OMG! Ron signed a deal
Pardon me, I had to laugh at that. First, no player is allowed to sign a contract before July 8th. Second — and this is very important — please take another look at the tweet above. If you believe that Ron Artest took a paycut to sign with a lottery team, I have an oceanfront to sell you in Houston.

Rumor #4: The Twitter user @96TruwarierQB is an imposter
This one came directly from Ron’s manager. After Artest sent out the following tweet: “THANKS A LOT HOUSTON I HAD A LOT OF FUN,” his manager, David Bauman, quickly attributed the message to an imposter. “That is not Ron’s account,” Bauman told the Houston Chronicle. “That’s what happens with the so-called new media.”

Hmmm….that’s strange, because I recall the Rockets staff themselves verifying the @96TruwarierQB account as Ron Artest to quell any doubt. Put aside the fact that the username gives it away (Tru Warier is Artest’s label; 96 represents “qb”), an imposter would not plug Ron Artest’s rap songs as much as this 96TruwarierQB guy does. if you pay attention to that page, you’ll notice the pattern of hilarious (and occasionally strange) tweets from Ron. Oh, and did I mention that it’s a “verified account,” meaning that Twitter has established the authenticity of that account.

Case in point:

In case you haven’t figured it out, Artest is a jokestar.

Here’s another example:

That Twitter account is definitely Ron Ron. In fact, I recommend you follow him. You’ll thank me later.

If you haven’t already done so, follow me on Twitter.